“Change is like the water slipping in through the tunnels to the fields, without change there ain’t going to be any harvest!”
Etching Patterns of thoughts on the papyrus of our mundane lives..
Designs we croon into the ear of our twin incarnation..
Curved stretches curbing across the mounts..the will, the wish..
Binding with the harsh breath..mellow at times.. juggling at times..
Strolling across to plot a breathless life..
Stumble over potholes dug by our own soles, Hasn’t thee rolled over, traced back, and strutted along then?
Yet the path of etched drawls back and forth scuttering on..
Inking on.. smug.. or giggly.. dreadful or greedy.. smiling through the blots of ink..
In hope in faith.. for trusting to be bound by fate.. we etch on..
A kind samaritan spinning the fate.. whispering incantations to string fate to wish..
A mildly fulfilled soul springs along.. sketching butterflies..
And yet then. droplets of pain blotch the ink just along the curve..
Words lack depth one might say.. as the heart fails to siphon strings of syllables
Wishing to only tell stories of memorable cons, fortitudes.. innocence and love..
How often has thy samaritan hidden in the cave of doubt?
How often does thee ponder of ways to escape the designs?
Trapped in thy own breath, memories and desires..?
Or did the benign fisherman row thee across?
I think he did.. didn’t he?
Anew bridge..anew sketch..
Anew binding of faith and fate..as thee etches on..
P.S- Random thoughts, random sketch as I try to drown myself in something mundane.
What can smuggle you across the shores of bitterness?
What can save thee from retreating in the dungeons of your self loathing?
What has shoveled self loathing into thy heart?
Who has? Friend or foe?
Why those angles of view are so primly defined as beauty?
Why the obsession over one beauty….?
As it shadows, dulls beauty of much more?
Why one beauty is so loved and the other so ignored in a manner so narcissistic?
Why the layers of forms and norms… texture and light only portrayed as mausoleums of beauty..
None are though to do with depth.. none to do with her airs.. none to do with tugs of heart..
All engulfed in the nuisances of a well designed beauty..
The ensemble of emotions…crushed paper of words..
All crushed and torn… crumpled in the disguised lump of memories..
Neither is valued.. the true self nor the earnestly showered love..
Where is the reality?
Where is the love for love?
Where are the forms of gratitude?
How did beauty in this world born from womb .. dissolve into such frail existence…
Where is the child in you?
Where is the child in me?
What can smuggle you across the shores of blind indulgence and bitterness?
Innocence… it can save thee as it can save me…
May it rescue of our kind from drowning the self in the untrue designs..
May innocence salvage thee in its own womb..
Dreams fade away..
Repressed beneath the cocaine like pain..
Pain from the trysts with betrayal..
Lines of fate branched into multiple stinging paths..
Which one would you choose?
When Dreams have faded.. path has been fenced with loneliness..
Friends you once thought forever…
Are waiting to loose you..
Ohh..The ways love’s betrayal swaddles thee…
Words once muttered in earnest…
Were only junctions in the web of distrust..
Camouflage muttered, instincts altered…
Only to save their day trampling on thy sorrows..
Foreboding thee to feel..
Negligence of thy states of being..
As though thee was a bothersome morsel loitering in the corners of their presence..
They make you scream inwards… these friends..
I hope thy path never crosses with one of them..
Each one has a story to tell… Aaah, such an unremarkable and a predictable beginning to a write up, ain’t it? But you see, its true even the simplest lives have innumerable of ways of depicting themselves. The simplest lives, the most monotonous one..the most monochromatic one could have elements that in conjuncture develop into a phenomena that can be more a complicated one . Or, maybe its perception is so ordinary that we beings who are awake only in a way would hardly notice.
Every story has an ache attached to it. Each story- a contracting and expanding plane, plane of time and memory.
Such pictures painted in red and maroon, highlights of paleness, violence lingering, dominating, a net of undesirable desires, a multitude of rare fortitude and neglected battles, ignored bruises. Hardly an ache without beauty of such sullen pain, beauty of hopeful eyes, nurtured heart, innocence braving, a survival of beauty through it all…
Some find a good ear, an attentive mind to listen, some crawl neglected in the caves of their own loneliness. Story teller, writers, weavers who knit stories for the keen eyed, mild-hearted, Imaginative minded beings. Aren’t they all, aren’t all the beings a little desperate to tell their story? Some tell yours, some tell their own.. yet a part of them explained through it, strewn across the pages, wandering with palms outstretched…leaning to draw you in..embezzling you in to feel them, feel their life…fight the wars they do -with them… see them in those words, in those colors..
The people in their stories.. have a epilogue and preface of their own.. might you heed their emoting eyes, actions and words.. might another story be told about them… For none deserves to disappear without a mark..
Each one hopes for thy own story to be heard… even the observer, the detached objective being, wants to reach you… if only you as a human could promise to hear him… accept him… fear not what you know not… simply feel as you must..
Hope the stories are heard.. hope the aches subside.. hope thy own.. as my own words, thy friends as my friend’s stories reaches thee.. and you listen.. listen with eyes,mind and heart.
Who dwells in their own head?
I do.. I do..
I live there with a man of dispiriting affections..
Broth of hatred.. froth of nonchalant love..
Rebelling against my rationale.. Again which is mine and which is his?
Life seems spent at war with love…
Which emotion is not to be felt?
I ain’t following a parchment of archaic laws…
Written and misspelled by all engrossed in a deep desperation of a kind..
Desire to be remembered… desire to be embraced.. Desire to be discovered..
Desire to be designed upon.. embarked into.. a journey from soul into a another..
Desire to appraised with condiments… tokens from one soul to another..
Who… which monk.. which teacher.. which bud..which man or women…
Can surpass the need to live.. need to be, to find which has not been found within..
And the need to feign control..
To him who I love.. who I have loved.. I can love..
I have found not the meaning of it..
I will always bless thee… find thee in my memories… search for thy love..
I hope.. this day.. the gulf of resentment has cleansed as much as it has left my heart..
Apologies I render.. and hope I shall find thee again.. in life.. in love.. in my heart..
And the man who fights with rationale.. in my head..shall always loose..
For rationale.. feigns control..
An incomplete drama of scribbled words.. this shall be..
For none can unfold the unrest of love and desires..
The conundrum of what to be.. who to be.. to succumb..
Or to succumb again.. just, to which…. ?
Touch and walk away..
The sound of thy heart beating so close..
The memory of your touch so fresh..
And yet you walk away.. one step at a time..
The sound of your breath dimmer..
Oh dear friend.. are you in pain?
So am I..
I pondered if you knew how I glowed when you brushed past me..
And yet you left me bereft at the cross roads..
Wanting.. failing.. simmering with pain..
Touch is powerful..
It ignites pain as much as it heals..
you healed and now gone is your desire..is your love..
A mere shadow lingering.. at the corners of our companionship.
I am not much.. only human..
Are you in pain?
So am I..
Pain I can spell with tears after dark..
The moon takes me to you..
And so do the cold winds..
As the hands clasped.. flesh smelted in together..
You touch and walk away..
Are you in pain…her’s?
So am I…. in yours..
To stare into the day and wonder what one is going to get..
“Am I giving enough love to get back a little more?”
Nature by itself serves.. mingles within itself to prosper..
The particles.. the morsels.. the humming bird and the still leaves..
one for the other.. without question…
Maybe man’s nature is a complex addendum of each of nature’s phenomena..
The heat of the infinite light sucking away the droplets..
The shades solace.. the trees..what do they take away?
Born from death.. born from pain and sweat..?
Man’s love is a ray of light distracting through the planes of a prism..
The multifarious light darkening and lightning the life.. the soul..
The draining pain peeling away the layers of self preservation..
Breathing hazy turning blue..
The red of blush when rarely glistens the pale skin..does it now?
Its only a fantasy….an illusion that dawned in another love year ago..
She craves for the blossom of soft nourish.. a fond touch..
A clambering passion.. hinging on to time.. ravishing each moment..
Each passing instant reminding the two of dusk that could stray the two apart..
Blooming of want in his eyes..a hunger for solace in her arms..
“Its been a life..it seems a life.. since I have felt love that could borrow me from time..”
Steal her life.. rob her soul of any doubt.. any treason that life could commit..
Its been life my friend since love sought her.. a love that warrants the name of love..
The friction and wave and sway of it. the darkening and breathless sorrow of it..
Its been mind numbing pain.. its been life sans innocence.. sans rest..
Just treason.. so was that love? And is this love? Again which pain is love and which isn’t?
Which shade of love do I believe.. which shade of love must I forgo?
Pic credits: Google
In moments when the haunting murmurs in you heart spurn…
Tunnel through the dark passages..
Blood runs cold.. And the heat swirls in your head..
In moments when love feels like pain..
And pain like love..
Who has your breath in a hitch..
Who is thy master? Thy self? Thy trampled heart, trembling nerves…
Which side of the sun are you on?
The cold night or the scorching blow of highland heat waves?
Where do you look to? In whose words do you find solace..
Which side of that man must you dwell with?
Which face of the man must you love.. And must you decipher.. Must you lie to yourself of?
There is the growling animal and there is the swooning dove.. Both within one..
Both tied into one… Which do you see? Which do you love?
The questions, the whys and the why nots..
Should be.. Could be.. Wouldn’t be…
The becoming we are all taught..
The love we are taught to see..
Aren’t we tangled and knotted in love with idea of it..
I detest love.. As much as I crave it..
I disbelieve thee.. As much as I see it..
And yet the nuisance of pain.. It speaks only of love..
As though it croons for thirst.. The elusive love..
It’s pain in love.. And it’s pain “in love”
A child sits amidst the dust, asbestos, rubble
Eyes sunk into self.. yet wide and devoid of the tremors of death brewing within..
To be born into a life wielding no power,
But the love rendered by the womb and palm of the protector..
And at a sudden instant swept into smoke and fire,blood splattered of the power he knew..
Can one feel what that child does? A wait for god he once knew and had..
A shell of dark fear, dread, turmoil, torn life asphyxiates the beating heart…
And child chokes within.. clinging to nothing..
Suffering from plague inflicted by the cacodemons, men on his land..
Their horrendous misogynistic hunger for blithe innocence..
Draining the pulp of life and reveling in the numb pain diffused in the air..
The helios of hope brutally shred.. flesh from bones..And yet not a tear shed..
For none are left to touch.. none can touch his moment…
From my window I see the rays flit through the blinds..
Their intensity simmered by the glass shield..
I see a sight peaceful.. sodden warmth,
The light breeze like music.. as the leaves flutter to its tune..
Sparrows titter.. shuffle between the green symphony..
I hear not… but eyes watch the music..as though notes scripted in the moments..
As though soft silence speaks.. spelling solace and hope..
Almost unreal.. The winds carry not a smear of pain..
The pain for the flow of the nature’s elements is null..
Or maybe it feels pain.. in the bloodied water and coagulate breath.
But not here.. its uncannily calm for a world trifled and drowning in pain..
Its a surreal, eerie balance that soothes not the heart..
Burden of pain outweighs the mass of solace..
There is no one to beat you..no one to defeat you ,except the thoughts of your self feeling bad.. Words of song by bob Dylan.
I have tried to imbibe these but have failed quite a few times…passed, but failed too.. I try to express that somehow.. how much ever I strive to be a lone wolf .. man needs man.. and feelings can not be fought.. only felt and past.. and in the end we do feel the same.. and that itself binds us together however alone we might feel..
Like in the jungle book:The strength of the pack is the wolf…and the strength of the wolf is the pack.
Bad for self.. about self.. feeling guilt.. remorse..
The red and black bitter serum..
how much can one fill in a jar..
the brim would be nudged..and then taken over..
mind control is a daring game..
ain’t for all..
but a subtle and slow manipulation of self…
Like gripping the wheel and steering the ship…
as gusts of wind blow and waves topple over one another.
but how do u know which mind to save yourself from and which mind to embrace..
Yet a master captain.. fosters a crew.. a family..
Bound by trust…
None can steer alone..
When living the days on thy own deck…
wading through waters that surround every eye raving the sea..
And resting at foreign ports..
One stands hand in hand.. shoulder to shoulder with a comrades by side..
I try to slash away the doubts.. I try to right my wrongs..
Yet I falter always..
But I shall hope that my comrades are by my side..
Desert a myriad of breathing sand..
Morsels sinking into one another..
Minuscule particles in friction.. yet in synchronized turbulence…
What I feel,you feel… as I am, you are..at different turn we take with winds…
Sand in solidarity would be of what essence? If not a bound to the desert?
Was the desert born as a whole? Does sand give meaning to the desert or desert to the sand?
sand derives its purpose from the desert.. from the dunes.. from the clusters..
So does man.. friend I say not in desperation but in my wishful way..
That man needs man.. And I need your shoulder and your warm friction and vibrant turbulence my friend..