We are playing a game, a game for which most of us do not know the rules, but we have assumed that they do exist. Each day we survive on a few words that we have built our life on, dignity, right and wrong, next what, goal, best, perfection, achievement, need, where next so on and on. Not so few are they, but we invented them and we have been making our own perceptions of these words, analyzing their weight and their rules and demands at every stage every second of our lives. Every moment we make choice, we twist and turn in our heads the value and meaning of these words in our context. We wonder and ask ourselves, whether we are meeting the standard? We mould them to suit our need and we hold on to them to justify and choose our choices and then choose among those choices. Sometimes, it’s a torture, at times when our instinct matches what we want,” life’s fair to us” we say.
From the beginning till the end we all depend on something, on a person, on a value, on an idea, on a concept, on to a belief, neither of us are free, neither of us are independent. The terms are only relative.
When human became human, what did dignity mean to that human, what did humanity mean to him? What were his ethics? What was nudity to him? We were born nude right? Then how did the concept of nude even taken birth??
It was a life based on basic survival instinct, one animal against another, of raw power, when power did not exist but its seeds were being planted. But you see power always existed, A dinosaur ruled the world with sheer power of its size, might sound funny, but ain’t it true?
Then too every man knew the beast in him, acknowledged it and used it. Today we hide it. We camouflage it, some of us have made the camouflage our jacket that comes off at our will and some of us have made it our skin, but we all tend towards shedding some skin in our lifetimes. But as we suppress it, it plays its own game inside. The devil attacks those words each day, the devil fights against our assumed rules. But the devil is evolving it is changing it does strategize and its priorities have changed. Sometimes the devil is not a devil in the real sense but just our relatively freer dual personality speaking up.
These manipulations, strategies, words, how much to they give us? How much to they take away and refrain from us? What do they blind us towards?
I have noticed and felt the brunt of it, have been a victim of myself, have seen my own games playing out and ruining so much, so many relationships. There are times when the each word seems like the other, the lines between what stand in the context what we assume just get blurred. There seem to be two axes, at time multiple ones too and we keep searching for the point or the points in the plane that lie on the line equation. Self-esteem and ego, want and need I find are a few pairs of those axes.
The plasma that we have created, we all collide in it, we try to make new compositions of oxygen to live on it. It metamorphosizes but its core, its basic unit cell doesn’t really change.
How did we come to this point, are we spiraling upwards or downwards? Or are we just static, and relativity is the illusion?
There are thousands of questions brewing inside my head, and it all seems to be coming out in the form of this rambling account of my thoughts.