Unpardoned

UNPARDONED

Memories, asleep beneath the grave of time,

They refute your desire to know the truth,

It was whiplashes from another hand soul clasped on to, absorbing pain in desperation, blatantly foolish

Some so gory, that your mind dreads their return,

 As they tell tales of those times buried in layers of stacked indecipherable moments

Times you seek to ink on parchment to discriminate illusions from reality,

Some dangerously carved falsehoods…

..Cascading irrational fears with the moments that skinned cells of your faith,

In brutally trying to scavenge for answers, fear of self, fear of what was and what it has fed you,

The old wounds burn, and hiss and leak venom transcending to this moment

Mind clots, chokes in revulsion, revolting against the excessive intrusion,

Invading the past might bring no control, but to rise above ones fears, one must let the venom seep,

To understand the mind now, one must know how it came into being,

To plough out its dark secrets, it’s reason for cerebral dormancy,

Its static stance against abominable acts of hungry desolate minds,

Till the present state evolves into numb acceptance,

The truth trudges up, annihilates all meek pity, and fails to irk the mind into delirium,

Its weakness remains unpardoned.

She dyes herself

She dyes herself in blue, your poison,

She dyes herself in red, her love, your portrait

She dyes herself black, her hideout, her darkness,

She dyes herself in the sky; hope to fly, to touch the heaven in her mind,

She dyes herself in autumn yellow; she is your sunshine, as she is her own,

The cold winter shrinks your flesh; and hardens your whimpering soul,

She is the knitted blanket, the warmth in the crackling fire, as you doze into theland afar,

She dyes herself in lustrous green, beauty you see as silence engulfs your soul,

Rains have lashed and left, but her beauty, green droplet endowed on nature,

She dyes self in fluorescence, so you might just be blinded by her zest for light,

She dyes herself in the color of your eyes, her penchant to liven them and live in them,

She is the brown earth, her endurance of life, her endearment as she shields you in her bosom,

She is peace, she is freedom, she is embellished only by the serene plain sky, white clouds, her love for you in eternity,

She is the colors of her life, her own streaks, her own blends,

And she braves the wars, drenches in your tears, in your marooned blood,

She stays fastened to you, your life she holds close to her soul,

You tell me, who she is? You know here, you think of her, she could be anything and anybody,

She is the colors, the picture you painted in your mind’s eye.

Just thoughts on a soul from a..soul?

We all come from a place and are in a place, where we want love, we desire it. We scorn our desires, so that they remain at bay, but love, It’s a hunger that never stagnates. It could take us to dark places as easily as could take us where we want to be. Love, they say is peace, is freedom. But how? ..Since so is death. We all need to find an idea, a synthesis, and a hypothesis of life to cling on to, till we have the noose around our neck. Sounds dark? Well, it’s only an observation.

The human soul is infinite, unbound in its illusions. Snippets of so many emotions, desires conflicting and thoughts and answers contradicting, all within a design forged by the mind- a soul.  We are souls, really? But we don’t really know what we are; I forget what that means, a soul.. but do I know what that really means, do you? It’s an undefined entity. But it’s a marvel how we have managed to define and find a picturesque entity to contain the infinity within ourselves. And we say at the root of our life, of our soul is the seed of love.  Love is the seed, or should I call it the earth? And maybe soul could be called the seed. We have risen so high in our evolutions, branches like aspirations, fallen leaves like fallen souls in bits and pieces, rotten fruits as we let them rot by overfeeding or leaving them hungrier and refuse to touch them, naive buds- we pick them off before they bloom to become what they could be, though we sap water from our earth we can no more feel its true touch and or thrive in its real fragrance. I am just guessing and inking an evolving hypothesis, after all, how would I know what is real and true? Or was it always like this?

At times we look down and search for the real love, and we grow hungry, we want it from others and we decide that we are in love with them because we want their love. But what is love then? If it’s not want, if it’s not desire, maybe it’s rather to just see and be, thrive in each other’s presence, touch not hold, not cling, but the hungrier we grow, the more want ,the more we desire, the less we love.  As desires melt and conjoin into each other, we find solace in each other, but what if these desires wan, when tick of the hand takes you elsewhere and your mate elsewhere, not physically but when the wants of your soul part ways, when needs of the soul are left barren, love departs, but love, can it depart?

Soul, it’s the n dimensional sense we have as we can feel, see and perceive so many things at once as long as we are aware that we can. But what is the most powerful sense, is it the sound of another’s voice, or the look in another’s eye, the typical motherly fragrance, or is it touch, touch of another living being. I was going to say human, but I think I can say living being in a broad sense.  I am sure we have all felt the power of these senses, in leading us towards or away. A touch can bring you back from your insanity, from your internal shivering self to illusion of calm. I remember it happening quite recently a touch of a friend bringing me to the atmosphere that was pushing me into my own hell, just bringing me back to contained self even in that.  I even remember the look that pushed me to rise, or that lead me astray.  We all do, don’t we? We all love and writhe and whimper, laugh, smile and in our memories, we dream dreams that make us crave, and more so because we know how delusional we are. Memories and dreams, both the karma of and the route to want, need and …love?

When we walk down a road full of strangers, and we see just living beings strolling and we see the life, the web we have built. We are going on and on and on. But we are within that web, like the expanding universe, we are moving on and on and on and are yet static. But we are moving together and we are held together by that force that runs deep down even in our earth, let’s call it love and not gravity?

Just entangling, and untangling the thoughts in my mind… but whenever I think, I find an answer and then I have another question questioning it and I have forgotten the answer, it’s an infinite loop.

What You Want

What you want….flees you,

What you want …. strolls away causally to the other end,

Muttering a song of its own…nonchalant..

There ain’t much you can give to “what you want”..

As there ain’t much you have..than “what you want”..

Wants never rise to the brink..they dig deep,

If they ever rose.. they dripped and then washed off the linen of life..

they would be just..just overflowing foam..and never be your want..

but what you want ..it..they..he..his..are waves that wash off the shore..

But play in and serve only the ocean..

The ocean..is in you..the soul..the wants dig deep..and they harrow your nights and days..

It’s chains clunk..and you are tied to yourself..

Yes..his eyes were never mine..but wants can only want..

Free me from him..from his eyes..from his words..

From his desires that are not in me but in elsewhere..when he is drunk on his bitter taste of life..

Elsewhere..his eyes find his wants..

Playing naked in an ocean beyond the limitless horizon of mine..

And I can only know their existence..but quench my thirst not..

in its murky sparkling yet enticing waters..

Fortune deceives me..not even as fortunate as the moon..

which touches it only with its non-luminosity..

What you want deceives you..breathes your breath..

quenches its thirst within itself..leaves you thirsty…

what you want..make it go away..wash it away..keep it afloat at the shores..

Lest it be the only poison you can drink..rest dry in comparison.

Vile Demon..I Salvage Thee

The lines the poem came out of nowhere almost after I read a story.. lines and thoughts are unrelated to the story..but darkish story.. darker poem.. does that happen to you?

Vile Demon..I Salvage Thee

Hast thou ever feared thyself?

That gnawing grey wolf that claws at thy heart,

Hast thou felt him breathe with thy breath?

Hast thou felt power in veins and the stabbing of awoken evil?

And felt the contempt for the sheep.. the flock?

The dark dread that teaches thy darkest abilities..

That entices thee to come and sip its delicacies ripped from other’s hearts..

The empty den in thy soul where thou sleeps in peace day and night..

Days when thou vanquishes other’s will.. Their wishes

And haunt their nights with your sultry nonchalant smile..

Aaah… dear soul..  Why thou hast fetched my dark demons?

Thou make what schemes..  Thou hast no vengeance..

And yet set thy feet in my light.. Laugh and live with such pride..

But to lead power to its fateful destiny.. To grind and dissolve into zilch the slimy filth..

To save the benign and castrate the abdominal vanity of power..

Power that feeds on and feeds also the human mind..

I salvage thee.. Vile demon, I salvage thee.

Is love ever freedom?

Ripened wounds, stuttering tears,

Gushing memories, fluttering past the present,

Each wish adorning his eyes beseeched each lash of mine;

 He was the sound of the still stream of life,

He awoke the innocence of a child wandering in haven,

He was the white rose fostering peace now lost,

Lost in the frightening wars fought with the reflection visible only to the beholder,

He was the cause, the only cause of each tear that dressed the smile,

But did he know the love I bred for those eyes, the soul, the smile,

The agony that it splurged in the poet’s lines,

And yet through the tears a love, a hope glimmered,

Years passed and his love was breath beyond the soul could breathe in,

It was a golden cage trapping a wild dove; it was a bible of thoughts to be drunk on,

But a bible?…..  the soul couldn’t feast on…

The sweetened wine of love twisted and thickened,

Now the bitter taste of bloodied chains, injecting adrenaline to the mind,

Cleansing it of all its wishes, breaking the strangling chains,

Love and wishful future locked in a coffin lay beneath the ocean of freedom.

Dust and mist, can there ever shine through a clear view of the path.. to early to prophecy indeed,

Seeking the lost song of self in the hymns sung by wild birds lining the paths of many a cross roads,

Sensations afresh bite the flesh,

Words of many a poetic masters walking the line of freedom and love,

Teaching the soul the broken rules, the flimsy notions,

Learning and stamping the blackened laws that suck the color of an opaque orderly life,

 

I choose freedom over love, Is love ever freedom? is love ever salvation? I ask thee…

Is it an angel or is it the two faced backstabbing demon harboured within it, to be conjoined with it?

Betrayal of sorts darkens.. no rather glistens the heart of love..

Freedom from it.. is freedom from human form..A mighty improbable task,

Yet I choose freedom sans love of the sort adorned by its loving laws.

Scintillating soul

There are stories to be shared,

Stories of love and war, loss and misused hearts,

There tears to be shed, and smiles to be felt,

In each soul there is much more to dwell on,

There is much more to delve in,

And there are words of a delicate fashion, lining those eyes,

Waiting to be forged by the hand of a stranger,

Waiting to be painted within those outlines,

The shades of scenes the heart immerses in,
One Scene merging into another, a song emerging from its wishful adolescences, humming wishes in mingled voices,

The innocent and impatient flutter of the wings of the little mynah,

Hoping and chirping from branch to branch,

Only wanting to settle on a branch of its likeness,

Or waiting to find a mate to ring in tune with,

Like the Restless fidgeting entangled fingers of a lass,

And the downcast eyes,that sway and swing from side to side, and up into the sky,

Sometimes lost in depths of a well of thoughts drilled in the airs of her days and nights,

Waiting for answers, waiting for a ride to her own soul,

Waiting for her silent song to be heard by a queer heart with a keen ear,

waiting, searching, waiting..

The moon dawns, lighting up the sun’s soul,

A soul that lives in the earth’s wind, in the drops of the ocean,

A soul that darkens when dusk sets, but glows in the moonlight, the slow and silent flame of a candle,

A young lad lays awake conversing with the stars, his toy friend cradled in his arms,

Fumbling through his questions, his fears, his discoveries in wide eyed wonder,

Is the world so enormous and I only a speck? What is it that I see up there?

Who listens to his innocence? A mother on earth or a friend in the skies,

There are stories to be shared, 

To be read in the smiles and tears of strangers-our friends,

As in each soul, there is much to dwell in, 

There is much to delve in

A soul can drown a soul in itself, 

A soul can carry a soul to the sky, The winds of life teaching her to fly,

If we listen to sound of life, to the whistling of souls,

To the misty words in eyes of friends, and foes we fathom, but yet both are alike

We would find the infinite wonder, the universe in the scintillating soul of the human eye,

Such a Heart Burn!

Save yourself the from the chilling pain

Save your heart from the brazen game

Oh boy! He is such heart burn,

Oh boy! You are such a scalding sight to my raving eyes!

 

There ain’t any victories, the dice rolls with null favours,

Time etched in mind feeding on a feast of memories,

A trail of moments spent in penetrating charm,

Spent lost in those eyes, that choke my breath,

Do I see hate rising from angst, do I see a strange likeness, I think not,

Do I see a wild penchant to seize all? Or do I see a fuming desire to cease all, destroy and demolish?

It’s all human, to feel and to suffer in our longings and dreams,

I only wish to untangle from those eyes, the words that speak one a many truths,

Words I must remind myself are not in my name,

But words that might forge the path to your soul,

Yet I ask, in restless desperation,

Do I see just a man in his prime fiery nature, or do I see you, just you?

A fragrance soaked in sweet sweat dries the throat,

A tear of craving slides down lost in the twists and passions of flesh,

Delving and rising, deep faltering breaths, naked eyes, naked thoughts, shredded sheaths of yearnings,

Soul is left at the mercy of the unbound sensations, the sinister feisty eyes,

 

He is a drug, an addiction of the wretched fickle heart,

He is but a death wish of the slipping moment,

Oh boy! He such a heart burn,

Oh boy! You are such a scalding sight to my raving eyes!

 

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Grain Of Love

See life in what is doomed dead,

And a rose bud shall bloom from fraying petals in dawn light,

Touch the angst in another’s eyes

And thou shall be the melting ice on a burnt soul, a dreary night,

Dream in faith with another in his brittle might,

And a babe in his soul shall see the light brighter in every site,

Teach and re teach hope to a falling kite,

And it shall fly from one roof to another in eager delight,

Smile at the curious child in each one’s mind,

And find unknown questions, unlearnt answers on far off stars glisten the starry eyes,

Run along that little girl in the woman’s soul, to her fairy god mother,

And see each tear, each sear on her fore head dry and dull as you walk back at her side,

Embrace the need of each man, woman, child naked on the pavement, a cold night

And warm the city with warmest smiles from the forlorn beggared souls of our hungry times,

Find that grain of love holding together your own soul in glorious fights,

And you shall engulf and seal the darkening hearts, the foregone tranquil paths with fiery firelight.